“DRUG ABUSE”
I read that in my medical chart for the first time about a week ago after opening a portal with my Oncologist/Hematologist.
WHAT?
IT CUT SO DEEP because with all the pain and surgeries and pain – I have NEVER abused drugs. EVER.
AND I’M PROUD OF IT.
What could that mean? Where did that come from? I couldn’t sleep. I cried.
Written in the chart of the doctor I love after he helped save my life when I had AML leukemia.
Then I remembered many years after Leukemia, I had a blood infection that went systemic. I was rushed to the hospital right before Thanksgiving delirious with 103.5-104 fever.
My hematologist was called in. They couldn’t find the right antibiotic to treat the infection.
At the time, after a 14-hour-reconstructive spinal surgery, I was on prescription narcotics for pain and also Benzodiazepines for pain in order to sleep.
But the hospital discontinued all my medications because no one could get a hold of my pain doctor.
He didn’t have anyone on backup and didn’t answer any of my husband’s calls to his cell number.
So for a week I was strapped down with a blood infection, high fever and going through terrible withdrawals from not having my prescription drugs.
And I kept asking for the drugs.
My only guess is that my hematologist thought I was abusing them…
So I took a long time to write him a few days ago in the portal – explaining why I thought “Drug Abuse” may have come from – and that his opinion (and the opinions of other doctors who have access to his chart) mean a great deal to me and that I had NEVER ABUSED DRUGS.
A week has gone by. No response…
So what is this? Why does this CUT SO DEEP.
Well, for one thing it’s not true.
But if I’m really honest… PRIDE.
“For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” (2Corinthians 10:12)
We who are IN CHRIST, have no need to measure ourselves with others – feeling PROUD that we are not THEM.
Nor do we have to worry about lies.
God says, “’No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. And their righteousness is from Me,’ says the Lord.” (Isaiah 54:17)
So God tells us to refute (condemn) a lie with the truth.
But even if no one responds, corrects the lie or listens, we know that the lie will not prosper (succeed, flourish, thrive) and that our own righteous (right-standing) with The Lord cannot be altered because of the saving blood of Jesus Christ.
God, please forgive my pride. In Jesus’ Name.
HOW I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!
